It’s too easy amid life’s routines to miss your reflection in the mirror as you hurry by. Your blurred image gets morphed by the noise. You know the noise–the schedules, the cell phone, the kids, the tv. You fill your mind with constants… constant information… constant chatter… constant distraction. And you miss the who. You know—the true you. You dress yourself in the immediate and clothe yourself with a winter wardrobe full of schedules.
Your image screams in the midst of the chatter. “Here I am!” Yet, you miss it. You may hesitate for a moment afraid to look back perferring the noise. You are upside-down stuck in the unreality. You think you are achieving. You think you are succeeding. You think this makes you worthy.
But, in the quiet recesses of your mind, you know. You know that you don’t take time to really look. You have not touched that sacred part in too long… the part that is most vulnerable, yet most valuable. Yet, to be known involves risk, but you may shatter—so you keep moving.
That quiet part is your warrior. The part that holds you up. This is what keeps you going. Yet, you fiercely protect it for fear of assault. You cover it up with the noise. This is you… the strongest you. The only non-fragmented “you” that knows your value. The piece of you that can’t change. Yet, you continue building titanium walls, complete with bogs and dragons, to protect yourself.
And yet, I see you. I see you hiding behind your own safely constructed walls. I see your strength, that you guard with fierce loyalty… the part protected behind tall words and busy schedules. I see you wrapped up in a hundred blankets, crying… tears for all you wish you could be; tears for words better left unsaid; tears for your fragments—that make you who you are.
I see your longing for completeness, but your inability to stand; Your fear of failing, and your reticence to begin, and I intimately know your desire to be seen, to be known.
Through all the chatter, distractions, and noise, You are not alone. I see you.
Psalm 139:1 “Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me!”
Robin, This is beautiful and so poetic. The word fragmented totally resonated with me. Lately, I’ve used this word to describe how I feel–pulled in so many directions. I can also relate to knowing that the real me–the whole me–isn’t seen by very many people. Like you, I have a whole world inside my mind and it’s so hard to communicate it to those around me. I’m often frustrated that people aren’t as intuitive as me. I don’t really feel like I’m building walls, but I do relate to the risk you talk about. It can be a risk to let people into my inner world.
I’m so happy you’re posting and writing and letting us glimpse inside your beautiful mind.